Real-life superwoman

I wake up every morning around six. I am an early riser and i’m actually very happy in the morning. Yet, in high-school, that wasn’t the case. I like getting up at the break of dawn and experiencing the day before other people are even awake. It’s quiet and absolutely beautiful. Plus, you get more done with your day then anybody else who wastes time sleeping. Don’t worry, I do get the needed eight hours of sleep to function but I don’t oversleep like most of my friends do. I woke up in Gil’s bed this morning and made my way down from Centennial to class. Of course, I stopped at Starbucks before heading the Environmental Ethics. I get my caramel frap. everyday. 

I’ve decided i’m the real life superwoman. Just give me a cape and some bright-colored tights and i’m your girl! I somehow am able to manage a boyfriend, tons of friends, schoolwork, clubs, and sleep all at the same time. Without any naps. On top of that, I must keep my apartment clean and myself clean. I thank my caramel frap. for all of this. Today, I still have to go to the gym, call my parents, study spanish, shower, and shave my legs. I’m not complaining. I love being a busy bee. I also manage to fit in a lay by the pool everyday! Did I forget to mention my university has tons of pools? I basically attend a country club. I am hoping that by the end of this week I am significantly more tan.
Discussion of a puppy is in the air for my apartment. Although I am up for it and have agreed to having a puppy in this apartment, I can’t help but miss Milo. I feel as if i’m cheating on Milo if we get a new puppy for the apartment. My little booger graduated from puppy school yesterday and I am so very proud of him. Only one puppy owns my heart. My parents make sure to send me pictures and have me face-time him. He’s getting so big from when we first brought him home! I’m sad to see how much he’s grown when I fly home in October. My hair is growing. Thank God! And soon enough my hair will no longer be dark as night. I can’t wait to look naturally beautiful again and be back to my dirty blonde ways. 

1st week of school

It has officially been one week of school and I am very excited about this upcoming year. I would like to start blogging more often. I should take an hour of my day out and dedicate it to my writing. Although, I am not, I feel as if I am already behind on school-work. All my classes are interesting (sort of) and I made my schedule live-able by only having classes till twelve everyday. I do have more friends than possibly able to juggle though so I will be coming more distant with a few people I was close with last year. While, gaining new awesome friends! The only class I do not like is spanish considering I got a D in the class last year and am horrible at the language. I need to pass to be able to do recruitment for Greek this upcoming year. I’ve always wanted to be Greek but within the last week, i’ve been thinking otherwise.

So, what did I do this week? Last Sunday, I went out with my roommates and scampered all across campus. Don’t worry, we didn’t have class Monday. Friday night (last night) we did that all over again since it was Lauren’s 20th birthday! I also hugged a boy I had just met in my philosophy class named Hunter. I am going to regret that when I see him in class on Monday. I did see Dillon and Jake yesterday for lunch and they were going to through a party, but I wasn’t able to get ahold of them. I still had fun with my gals! 

Today was DERBY DAY! Derby day: a traditional college event turned HighPoint University with tons of blow-up water-slides and games featuring taco trucks and funnel cake stands, where every student comes plastered and ready to have drunk fun. As a freshman, you aren’t aware to show up drunk so it isn’t as fun as it has the potential to be. But today was awesome as a sophomore! Although like last year, I did have the same start to my day.. walking back from Gil’s apartment, from sleeping over in last nights clothes, being heavily judged as the "morning after walk" even though it’s my boyfriend. I didn’t go out tonight. I couldn’t. With a headache and exhausted, it wasn’t bout to happen. I stayed in with Rae and Calla, and watched Sydney White accompanied by pizza. I had six slices. Six!!! My stomach felt like it was about to explode. On the other hand, it devastates me what happened to Amanda Bynes. People call her crazy for having a mental disorder when she can’t help it. She will take medicine and learn to control it. She was so beautiful though and it makes me so terribly sad what her disorder did to her self perception. Though I hate my black hair, I would hope to never shave my head or get dimple piercings. Maybe I just shouldn’t get tattoos? The life long question. 

Right now, I am waiting up for Gil to pick me up at 1:00 and walk me back to his place where I can pass out comfortably in his bed. Trying to maintain a healthy relationship in college is hard and I would not suggest it to the weak. I am incredibly tired. 1 week down, tons more to go!

New year, same Carly

I’m back at HighPoint which should be a good thing yet at times, I can’t help but get an hallow feeling in my chest. I’m living in a different dorm this year with new roommates who are all very nice but aren’t aware of my anxiety issues. I partied with them last night and had a lot of fun yet feel as if they don’t like me, even though they told me drunkenly that they love me and i’m their new best friend. Then why would I feel like I am bothering them when I tag along? It’s uncomfortable. The first week of school is always uncomfortable. Unsure of how important I am to my old friends now that I am out of walking distance and unsure of how the year will play out. The only thing i’m sure of is my wonderful boyfriend and even that, I feel like i’m fucking up and he’s going to break up with me. I already miss him when i’ve been away for him for only a few hours. He makes me the happiest. 

Yet, this is how I was last year when I first came to school. I don’t want to fuck it up with my roommates though and this is what it was like last year. I don’t want to smother them too much to the point where I annoy them and I don’t want to cause fights. I just need to realize the few friends I do have are enough and actually care. G, E, JB and JS. have reached out to me. They are there for me. H is great too. Although, who knows? I tend to do so much for people who wouldn’t for me. A hasn’t walked to Wilson once yet and lied to me last night. I have people who care about me so who gives a fuck head about those who don’t?

I miss home. I miss my mom, my dad, my sister, my milo; etc. I just started re-uniting with friends and having fun again in Jersey and then had to leave. College always sucks the first two months and I need to remember that. If my depression begins to flare I need to get out of my room as much as possible and do things. Whether it be reading a book on the hammock or talking a walk with music. I refuse to let myself suffer from sadness. This blogging thing helps this. I just wonder if i’ll have time when schoolwork starts up. My throats beginning  to get that tingling sore feeling it gets before I get sick. Maybe it’s cause i’m holding back from pathetically crying about absolutely nothing. OK, school isn’t going as I expected? But I hold the possibility to make it great. It is up to me and no one else.

Do I have to go to work?

I finally got a chance to watch The Vineyard and although, it is apparent that the “reality” show is scripted, It reminded me that there are other great places all over the world I could possibly live. I shouldn’t just limit myself to the South. Ever since I got sick, I tend to limit myself a lot. I now realize i’m invincible and play it safe. I remember when I was younger when I would jump into pools without contemplating if it was cold and running around in the dark without fear of what was in it. I want to let go of the fear in my life and not let it hold me back. Summer may be ending but I can begin my adventure within the next school year. Over the weekend, I went down to Ocean City with my mom to visit my mother’s side of the family. When we stopped at The Kennedy’s, my 2nd cousin Mark offered me a internship for next summer that would pay 10$/hr. It would also look great on my resume! The best part was that Mark was completely serious and as long as I reach out to him this upcoming winter to apply I will get the job. I would like to finally quit Rizzieries. I have quit Pacsun, thankfully! Only 19 more days until i’m back to HighPoint and Gil will be visiting Jersey this Saturday for a week. Besides not having friends, Jersey isn’t as bad as I make it seem. If I had people to do things with, i’d have fun! Surprisingly, i’ve been on a diet for a week now and been sticking to it. I would love to lose 20 pounds before next summer, so I can eat all the junk food I want to! This is the longest i’ve actually ever stuck to eating healthy. 

July 4th Celebrations

I just would like school to start already. I miss my boyfriend, I miss my friends, I miss my campus, etc. High Point University was the best thing to ever happen in my life and I am so thankful I was accepted two years ago. Ever since, building my life in North Carolina is wonderful. Although, when I am in New Jersey I am terrible. I hate this place! I am surrounded by  negativity and only count down the days till I am once again in the south. Next Tuesday, I’ll be on a flight back down to Raleigh. I have such high hopes for the upcoming year yet am scared for what surprising disappointments lay ahead. I have tons of high expectations that may or may not be fulfilled. Today is July fourth, I am supposed to be out celebrating but I hadn’t made plans because I expected to be working. Well, I will be quitting my job this upcoming weekend since Pacsun constantly messes with me. Now, I am sitting in my bed, blogging on this holiday. This day, last year, I was living with Nana and commuting to work. I spent the day with my parents (who I wasn’t on good terms with) since they had a BBQ and we saw fireworks. I remember feeling dizzy on the way to my parents house and being scared because I had Nana in the car. I wonder how much my condition has improved within the last year and how much it will improve throughout the next year. Maybe someday I will be able to conquer spinning. Me and my parents are (sort of) okay now. I am living with them again and we no longer fight but they tend to. The question of divorce always lingers. I called Annee the other night when they were fighting and I couldn’t calm down. She reminded me that “Everything happens for a reason”. That’s true. So, throughout the next year, whatever does happen, it happens for a reason! Whether it be with friends, Gil, family, etc. 

Questions to answer next summer:

Are you still with Gil?

What new people did you meet?

What friends did you lose?

Did you do well in swimming?

How was the roommate situation? (You think the 3 bffs will leave you out)

Do you look the same?

Any tattoos? (Probs not. Pussy!)

Is Lily still alive?

Are you living with Katie?

How’s milo?

How’s Nana? (She’s not too healthy right now)

Are you in a sorority?

Grades?

Are you happy?

Meet Milo!

Yesterday, I woke up really mad at Milo because I was pmsing. It was Milos fault that I only sat on this couch, hadn’t taken a shower in days, looked disgusting, etc. But after I took a shower and calmed down, I realized I was just being stupid. I tend to do that a lot even with my wonderful boyfriend. (I don’t know how he puts up with me but thank God he does!) Basically, i’m blaming a puppy for my problems. Thats a new low! I got a call from an “acting agency” yesterday but don’t actually know if it is real or a scam. His name was Rodney from igottalentnow.com and he wants to set up a meeting to discuss my talent. If it’s real, that is great but I don’t know how into much i’m into entertainment anymore. I’ve begun thinking realistically and i’d just love to move down south and raise a happy family. I am sort of regretting not pursuing a education in architecture. But I do love the college I go to. If it’s a scam, that terrifies me that some man has my information and knows personal things about me. I entered a contest hosted to win 2,500 dollars towards dorm room stuff and would love to win. The money would go to good use and I believe I deserve it. But it’s up to fate now! I’ll be finding out end of September. I do have work today at two which is a nice change and I need money. I’m a money hungry person.