3rd week of school

Earlier in the week, the roomies seemed to get upset with me so I distanced myself from the room a lot this week. I tried to get out as much as possible. Whether it be seeing G, hanging out with friends, reading a book by the pond, etc. Everything is fine now. They most likely weren’t even upset me with me but a little space doesn’t hurt! Plus R and C were rushing APO and had been busy and Jamie’s busy with AT! Rae and Calla are officially brothers of APO, so congrats to them! Fingers crossed i’ll get a 2.5 and i’ll be able to rush a sorority in December. I am trying really hard. Spanish is just "moy difficul" to me. We had a quiz this week; I studied my ass off and still feel like I didn’t do too great. Gil got me flowers this week though which was super cute. My boyfriend is

pretty great and I am  blessed that he’s mine. I’ve been sick this past weekend with a cold. Friday, I missed the J-cole concert and stayed in for the night. I went to JB’s apartment and watched Pitch Perfect though! I’m not even feeling awesome right now, but much better than I was Friday! Hopefully tomorrow i’ll be 100%. Don’t worry, I still partied hard last night at 851. It was a good time with the gals and I was happy to be with my 851 family. They even protected me from this guy who was calling me a “crazy bitch” and grabbing my wrist. He should have realized I was the main 

girl of the house before he messed with me! Because CN, G, A, and S showed him not too touch me like that ever again.  Swimming starts up on Tuesday and lets pray I lose some weight! That would be nice to be in shape. Not that i’m fat. Just a little chubby! Recently, I’ve wanted to start crafting but I don’t have any ideas in mind and i’m too cheap to go to Hobby Lobby and buy more craft supplies. I did set up some picture collages in my room this week though. I still feel like my room is too bare. It’s just missing my mom, dad, sister, and Milo... Me and R’s birthdays are right around the corner! Way too excited. I got her the cutest birthday gift also. She’s going to absolutely love it. 

Xoxo,

Carly

2nd week of school

Another week has come and passed at Highpoint University and I am still without goggles and headphones. Yet, have made some more awesome memories with my friends and boyfriend. Classes are still easy. Am I doing something wrong? Why is this so un-stressful? All my roommates are already freaking out about grades and i’m as relaxed as a sloth. The only thing i’ve been worrying about recently is my relationship and the inventible break up that will happen- someday. Although, we may still be together for the next few years or even get married (hey, who knows?) I can’t help but always think about breaking up because i’m scared of it actually happening.  It’s like an impending doom. We’ve been getting in arguments recently due to my worrying. Honestly, I’m a terrible girlfriend. I have absolutely no clue what I am doing when it comes to relationships. Thank God I have a wonderful boyfriend! Our one year anniversary is approaching and he wants Sperrys, excluding the fact that I am broke. 

G came to the steakhouse with me and the troop on Wednesday and was actually engaging in conversation. It makes me happy to see him come out of his shell. I always enjoy hanging with the gals and feeling apart of a group. They actually include me in everything and make me feel wanted. Lets pray it stays that way! Me and G tried to have a romantic picnic on the white chairs like we did  a year ago, but I guess you can’t repeat time. It was nice! Just nothing like our first date because, well, it was our first date! This weekend was a bummer. Friday night was Jamie’s boyfriend, Noah, “birthday party” but it wasn’t much of a party for me, Calla and Rae. Don’t get me wrong, Noah was nice! We sat around all night in the apartment drinking, waiting for them to arrive until it was already too late. There was not much going on around campus and we just walked around aimlessly with nothing to do. I ended up sleeping at G’s and eating Mac N cheese. Not much of a fun night. Saturday morning, I woke up early and me, Calla, and Rae took the trolly to Hans mall for a couple hours. I treated myself to a little shopping spree and spent almost two hundred dollars. I couldn’t resists H&M, Charming Charlies, or Victoria’s Secret. Guess what? I’ve been wearing a 34 B for years and the lady at VS measured me. I’m actually a 34 D!!! Holy boobs! So, I splurged and got a nice bra that actually fits. Why do bras cost so much? I didn’t choose to have boobs! I also got Rae her birthday present since her birthday is in ten days. Saturday night, we stayed in and watched “The Heat”. Sunday was like the rest. I woke up, went to the cafe with Rae, worked out and did homework. Sunday was the first “family dinner” though. Me and G made hot dogs, mac N cheese, pizza rolls for everyone. We also ate chips and apple sauce. Yummy! Family dinner went well and hopefully we can have some more through the school year. Although, it wasn’t healthy food it was good. I’ve been working out everyday and really enjoy it. It puts me in a good mood. I’ve also been going to the pool everyday. I sort of have a tan. Not as tan as I’d hope to be but tan! Anyways, I have to head off to biology now. Did I forgot to mention I reactivated my facebook? And that C messaged me on facebook saying, “whuddup homie”? What an ass. Not even worth my response. I’m better than that!

(Just some of the things I got. Not including: more shirts, a dress, a bra, and bathing suit)

Real-life superwoman

I wake up every morning around six. I am an early riser and i’m actually very happy in the morning. Yet, in high-school, that wasn’t the case. I like getting up at the break of dawn and experiencing the day before other people are even awake. It’s quiet and absolutely beautiful. Plus, you get more done with your day then anybody else who wastes time sleeping. Don’t worry, I do get the needed eight hours of sleep to function but I don’t oversleep like most of my friends do. I woke up in Gil’s bed this morning and made my way down from Centennial to class. Of course, I stopped at Starbucks before heading the Environmental Ethics. I get my caramel frap. everyday. 

I’ve decided i’m the real life superwoman. Just give me a cape and some bright-colored tights and i’m your girl! I somehow am able to manage a boyfriend, tons of friends, schoolwork, clubs, and sleep all at the same time. Without any naps. On top of that, I must keep my apartment clean and myself clean. I thank my caramel frap. for all of this. Today, I still have to go to the gym, call my parents, study spanish, shower, and shave my legs. I’m not complaining. I love being a busy bee. I also manage to fit in a lay by the pool everyday! Did I forget to mention my university has tons of pools? I basically attend a country club. I am hoping that by the end of this week I am significantly more tan.
Discussion of a puppy is in the air for my apartment. Although I am up for it and have agreed to having a puppy in this apartment, I can’t help but miss Milo. I feel as if i’m cheating on Milo if we get a new puppy for the apartment. My little booger graduated from puppy school yesterday and I am so very proud of him. Only one puppy owns my heart. My parents make sure to send me pictures and have me face-time him. He’s getting so big from when we first brought him home! I’m sad to see how much he’s grown when I fly home in October. My hair is growing. Thank God! And soon enough my hair will no longer be dark as night. I can’t wait to look naturally beautiful again and be back to my dirty blonde ways. 

1st week of school

It has officially been one week of school and I am very excited about this upcoming year. I would like to start blogging more often. I should take an hour of my day out and dedicate it to my writing. Although, I am not, I feel as if I am already behind on school-work. All my classes are interesting (sort of) and I made my schedule live-able by only having classes till twelve everyday. I do have more friends than possibly able to juggle though so I will be coming more distant with a few people I was close with last year. While, gaining new awesome friends! The only class I do not like is spanish considering I got a D in the class last year and am horrible at the language. I need to pass to be able to do recruitment for Greek this upcoming year. I’ve always wanted to be Greek but within the last week, i’ve been thinking otherwise.

So, what did I do this week? Last Sunday, I went out with my roommates and scampered all across campus. Don’t worry, we didn’t have class Monday. Friday night (last night) we did that all over again since it was Lauren’s 20th birthday! I also hugged a boy I had just met in my philosophy class named Hunter. I am going to regret that when I see him in class on Monday. I did see Dillon and Jake yesterday for lunch and they were going to through a party, but I wasn’t able to get ahold of them. I still had fun with my gals! 

Today was DERBY DAY! Derby day: a traditional college event turned HighPoint University with tons of blow-up water-slides and games featuring taco trucks and funnel cake stands, where every student comes plastered and ready to have drunk fun. As a freshman, you aren’t aware to show up drunk so it isn’t as fun as it has the potential to be. But today was awesome as a sophomore! Although like last year, I did have the same start to my day.. walking back from Gil’s apartment, from sleeping over in last nights clothes, being heavily judged as the "morning after walk" even though it’s my boyfriend. I didn’t go out tonight. I couldn’t. With a headache and exhausted, it wasn’t bout to happen. I stayed in with Rae and Calla, and watched Sydney White accompanied by pizza. I had six slices. Six!!! My stomach felt like it was about to explode. On the other hand, it devastates me what happened to Amanda Bynes. People call her crazy for having a mental disorder when she can’t help it. She will take medicine and learn to control it. She was so beautiful though and it makes me so terribly sad what her disorder did to her self perception. Though I hate my black hair, I would hope to never shave my head or get dimple piercings. Maybe I just shouldn’t get tattoos? The life long question. 

Right now, I am waiting up for Gil to pick me up at 1:00 and walk me back to his place where I can pass out comfortably in his bed. Trying to maintain a healthy relationship in college is hard and I would not suggest it to the weak. I am incredibly tired. 1 week down, tons more to go!

New year, same Carly

I’m back at HighPoint which should be a good thing yet at times, I can’t help but get an hallow feeling in my chest. I’m living in a different dorm this year with new roommates who are all very nice but aren’t aware of my anxiety issues. I partied with them last night and had a lot of fun yet feel as if they don’t like me, even though they told me drunkenly that they love me and i’m their new best friend. Then why would I feel like I am bothering them when I tag along? It’s uncomfortable. The first week of school is always uncomfortable. Unsure of how important I am to my old friends now that I am out of walking distance and unsure of how the year will play out. The only thing i’m sure of is my wonderful boyfriend and even that, I feel like i’m fucking up and he’s going to break up with me. I already miss him when i’ve been away for him for only a few hours. He makes me the happiest. 

Yet, this is how I was last year when I first came to school. I don’t want to fuck it up with my roommates though and this is what it was like last year. I don’t want to smother them too much to the point where I annoy them and I don’t want to cause fights. I just need to realize the few friends I do have are enough and actually care. G, E, JB and JS. have reached out to me. They are there for me. H is great too. Although, who knows? I tend to do so much for people who wouldn’t for me. A hasn’t walked to Wilson once yet and lied to me last night. I have people who care about me so who gives a fuck head about those who don’t?

I miss home. I miss my mom, my dad, my sister, my milo; etc. I just started re-uniting with friends and having fun again in Jersey and then had to leave. College always sucks the first two months and I need to remember that. If my depression begins to flare I need to get out of my room as much as possible and do things. Whether it be reading a book on the hammock or talking a walk with music. I refuse to let myself suffer from sadness. This blogging thing helps this. I just wonder if i’ll have time when schoolwork starts up. My throats beginning  to get that tingling sore feeling it gets before I get sick. Maybe it’s cause i’m holding back from pathetically crying about absolutely nothing. OK, school isn’t going as I expected? But I hold the possibility to make it great. It is up to me and no one else.

Do I have to go to work?

I finally got a chance to watch The Vineyard and although, it is apparent that the “reality” show is scripted, It reminded me that there are other great places all over the world I could possibly live. I shouldn’t just limit myself to the South. Ever since I got sick, I tend to limit myself a lot. I now realize i’m invincible and play it safe. I remember when I was younger when I would jump into pools without contemplating if it was cold and running around in the dark without fear of what was in it. I want to let go of the fear in my life and not let it hold me back. Summer may be ending but I can begin my adventure within the next school year. Over the weekend, I went down to Ocean City with my mom to visit my mother’s side of the family. When we stopped at The Kennedy’s, my 2nd cousin Mark offered me a internship for next summer that would pay 10$/hr. It would also look great on my resume! The best part was that Mark was completely serious and as long as I reach out to him this upcoming winter to apply I will get the job. I would like to finally quit Rizzieries. I have quit Pacsun, thankfully! Only 19 more days until i’m back to HighPoint and Gil will be visiting Jersey this Saturday for a week. Besides not having friends, Jersey isn’t as bad as I make it seem. If I had people to do things with, i’d have fun! Surprisingly, i’ve been on a diet for a week now and been sticking to it. I would love to lose 20 pounds before next summer, so I can eat all the junk food I want to! This is the longest i’ve actually ever stuck to eating healthy. 

July 4th Celebrations

I just would like school to start already. I miss my boyfriend, I miss my friends, I miss my campus, etc. High Point University was the best thing to ever happen in my life and I am so thankful I was accepted two years ago. Ever since, building my life in North Carolina is wonderful. Although, when I am in New Jersey I am terrible. I hate this place! I am surrounded by  negativity and only count down the days till I am once again in the south. Next Tuesday, I’ll be on a flight back down to Raleigh. I have such high hopes for the upcoming year yet am scared for what surprising disappointments lay ahead. I have tons of high expectations that may or may not be fulfilled. Today is July fourth, I am supposed to be out celebrating but I hadn’t made plans because I expected to be working. Well, I will be quitting my job this upcoming weekend since Pacsun constantly messes with me. Now, I am sitting in my bed, blogging on this holiday. This day, last year, I was living with Nana and commuting to work. I spent the day with my parents (who I wasn’t on good terms with) since they had a BBQ and we saw fireworks. I remember feeling dizzy on the way to my parents house and being scared because I had Nana in the car. I wonder how much my condition has improved within the last year and how much it will improve throughout the next year. Maybe someday I will be able to conquer spinning. Me and my parents are (sort of) okay now. I am living with them again and we no longer fight but they tend to. The question of divorce always lingers. I called Annee the other night when they were fighting and I couldn’t calm down. She reminded me that “Everything happens for a reason”. That’s true. So, throughout the next year, whatever does happen, it happens for a reason! Whether it be with friends, Gil, family, etc. 

Questions to answer next summer:

Are you still with Gil?

What new people did you meet?

What friends did you lose?

Did you do well in swimming?

How was the roommate situation? (You think the 3 bffs will leave you out)

Do you look the same?

Any tattoos? (Probs not. Pussy!)

Is Lily still alive?

Are you living with Katie?

How’s milo?

How’s Nana? (She’s not too healthy right now)

Are you in a sorority?

Grades?

Are you happy?