What does it mean to be brave?

Over Christmas break, my boyfriend and some mutual friends came to New Jersey for New Years. Important mention: I have a two year old jack russell that is my absolute baby. Any who, Milo was completely terrified of the visitors. I had never seen Milo so scared before. He was tail between legs, whole body shaking, making whimpering noises, scared. He had nothing to be worried about, these people are my closest friends and were concerned for him as well but I thought the whole situation was interesting.

My puppy was ridiculously afraid but would not leave me. As my boyfriend was saying goodnight to me, Milo was hiding behind me not taking his eyes off Tyler. He was so scared yet there in case he had to protect me; I looked at Tyler and said, “My puppy is the bravest.” He laughed at this. My boyfriend is a thrill seeker --he’s jumped off cliffs, he plays with snakes (no no no), he basically has no fear. Except I believe that weekend, Milo was the incredibly brave one. Milo’s whole body was telling him “run” but his little puppy mind knew there were more important things to do.

What does it mean to be brave? While something may scare us, it may not scare someone else. While Johnny Knoxville may seem brave for rollerskating with bulls because that’s something you may never do, it may of been no big deal to him. Using Knoxville as an example, simply because he’s the hottest older man ever, I don’t think it’s his stunts that make him a brave man but the fact he went out and made his own production company from the ground up. In my conclusion, being brave is relative to the person. Or dog! 

My senior year of high school, I got really sick. When you’re a teenager, you think you’re invincible and the world is yours. When I got sick I got knocked off of that pedestal. My whole world was flipped upside down and after two months of vertigo, I couldn’t remember a time the world wasn’t spinning. Before I got the virus, I wasn’t a dare-devil per say but I was much more open to possibly scary opportunities. After realizing I wasn’t invincible, fear was instilled in my mind. I even developed generalized anxiety disorder.

Being brave has a lot to do with your mind set. When I found out I had GED, I had the choice to use my disorder as an excuse or face my fears head on. Different individuals have different anxiety triggers but in particular mine are: talking to people, scheduling/planning, being alone, and new experiences. When I chose to not let me anxiety be a crutch, I accepted that it was going to be scary but I wanted to climb mountains, jump into the deep end of a pool, take life head on.

It was hard for my boyfriend to see Milo’s brave actions as that and he tries to understand when I’m exhausted after going to a party for ten minutes. These accomplishments that may seem small to him are huge in my eyes. I’m coming to understand that courageousness is about your fears and what you feel comfortable with. It may just be baby steps, but even baby steps can be brave. Milo had the option to flee from the situation just like I have the option to crawl up in my bed in a dark room when I’m afraid. What makes someone brave is accepting that life can be scary but you can’t run away from everything.

By letting fear control you, you are limiting yourself to a whole world full of possibilities. Take risks. Experience life. Be brave. For the upcoming year, make a promise to yourself that you are going to do the things that scare you. In the end, you’ll be so proud you accomplished them and find out that they weren’t all that scary. So, what does bravery mean to you? Is it standing up for what you believe in? Is it doing something dangerous? Or is it chasing after your dreams? I think it’s all three and more. It’s about pushing yourself out of your comfort zone because you know the end result is worth it. 

Not everyone you lose is a loss

In middle school, I had a best friend I did everything with. We hung out everyday after school, made arts and crafts, and even had our own cute Web show.  As we grew up, we both went our separate ways and even though we would hang out from time to time it was never the same. Time passed and we grew apart. Yet, we never conjured negative feelings towards one another. It was simply growing up. Eventually, we both went to different colleges and moved away. We are very different people now but I still acknowledge how much influence she had on my life.

In college, I met my person. We lived together, had our own inside jokes, and were basically inseparable. Then life happened and we had to take separate paths. When she transferred schools, I was devastated and we do keep in touch but like before it’s not the same. However, she will always be there for me if something goes wrong and the good times we had together will be fun stories i’ll tell my kids someday. How awesome is it that I have two forever friends? That even though time and distance has pulled us apart we understand that doesn’t affect who we are as individuals and that we’ve never spilt bad blood over it.

Life happens. It happens all too quickly and people will come and go. Some may leave footprints on your heart but everyone will teach you a lesson. It’s important to appreciate everyone for teaching you some sort of lesson. It’s wasted space to harvest negativity if someone chooses to leave. Let them. Whether it was their choice or not- it was meant to happen. So you can grow.... So you can learn.

I’ve gotten to the stage in my life that I no longer feel the need to continue meaningless friendships. If you think that makes me a bad person so be it. Yet, a significance in growing up is weaving through the people in your life and putting effort into the relationships that lift you up. A true friend will support your achievements, make you feel loved, want to listen and be around you. A true friend will not bring chaos into your life. Sometimes, it’s necessary to put yourself first and cut ties. Charlotte Bronte wrote in Jane Eyre, “I have an inward treasure born with me which can keep me alive if all the extraneous delights should be withheld or offered only at a price I cannot afford to give.”

I think Bronte is saying many things in this quote. Importantly, you need to learn to be happy yourself. You should never rely on a friend to be your happiness because if they are to go away, you’ll come crumbling down. You need to find the treasure within yourself and be your own best friend. As a matter of fact, you yourself are a treasure. You are worth all the stars in the galaxy, as well as the moon and sun. Just like any other treasure you own, you should take responsibility for it. Care for yourself. Insist that your life be full of sincerity, that you are deserving, don’t sell yourself short our of fear of conflict and confrontation. Make high expectations when it comes to who you surround yourself with.

It’s said that you become like the five people you spend time with the most. If you don’t like how your close friend is acting; you may not realize but they may be influencing your actions to be like yours too. There’s no purpose in letting bad energy exist in your life. Not everyone you lose is a loss. Cutting a negative person from your life will give you more confidence, happiness, and teach you a positive lesson. I’m sure during your experience with that person there were some good times, therefore appreciate that and just accept that you are two souls on opposite journeys.

At first, It can be tough moving on from losing a friend. Your daily routine may completely change and you have to enjoy activities with other people. I miss some old friends from time to time but I also remember that I’ve gotten to where I am today without them. They may have held me back from my aspirations. Don’t get me wrong: It’s totally okay to miss someone. It just means you had good times with them. Except, missing someone is different than wanting the relationship back.

Growing up is hard but I have a feeling we’ll all turn out alright.