Fall in Love with Yourself First

High Point University is a twelve hour drive away from the place I call home. Before freshman year, I had never been that far away from my parents. I was scared and worried (and excited at the same time). Then when I got to college, I immediately jumped into a relationship. We had been family friends for a little while and I did have feelings for him but looking back, I wish I had thought about my choices more. Don't get me wrong... Never do I regret that time of my life. It got me to the strong, independent women I am today.  

Freshman year is a time of extreme growth. You are trying to find your 'place' in this new setting. You're making new friends, finding what hobbies you enjoy, and figuring out how to live in a new environment. I sat in my room most of my freshman year. I rarely went out on the weekends. I didn't make much of an effort. Truth is, I depended on my boyfriend for everything. He was the person I'd eat every meal with, spend each night with, sit next to in class, etc. Most people didn't even know I existed freshman year but I don't blame them!

I relied on him a lot. I did enjoy being with him but we quickly became comfortable. Your partner is supposed to be someone who builds you up and brings out the best in you. I want to be able to grow together, as well as separately, in a relationship. For Mike and I, our relationship became a crutch. It felt safe so I used it to my advantage. Many things scared me my freshman year of college and instead of dealing with certain obstacles, I would run to him for protection. I spent most of my freshman year hiding.

Sophomore year, things began to change. I saw potential for myself. I began writing for the school's newspaper, hanging out with girlfriends, and I even joined a sorority. I was starting to see that I was my own person and I liked that person. When you're in a relationship, it's important to analyze if your partner is the right one for you. Is the relationship bringing out the best in you or keeping you from flying? It always gets to me when love-birds say, "I couldn't live without you." In a successful relationship you may not want to live without that person but you are aware you can.

People didn't know me as Carly. They only knew me as "Mike's girlfriend". Yet, I didn't really even know Carly nor give myself time to get to find who "Carly" is. Looking back, I have changed tremendously since the girl I was freshman year and that's because I decided to fall in love with myself. Truth be told, you need to fall in love with yourself before you can love someone else. By spending time alone, I discovered what I was looking for in a relationship. I realized I'll be okay if I end up as a cat lady (but hopefully, I don't have to). I found out that I'm proud of the accomplishments I've made in life.

Take the time to date yourself before you date anyone else. What makes you smile? How do you react when someone ticks you off? When are you the most vulnerable? There is no need to jump into anything because you have the rest of your life. Guess who you'll definitely be spending the rest of your life with? Yourself. So make sure that's someone you love. As One Tree Hill said, "take a look in the mirror, is that the person you want to be? Or was there someone else you were supposed to be? Is someone telling you you can't do it? Because you can. Believe that love is out there. Believe that dreams come true everyday because they do. Sometimes happiness is not from money or fame but it comes from the heart, and happiness, or the love of family. Believe that dreams come true everyday because they do. So take a look in the mirror and remind yourself to be happy. And remind yourself that dreams come true everyday because they do."

What I've learned from working at Chipotle

Okay, you hear college girls brag all the time about how much they ~love~ Chipotle and how Chipotle is their life but hear me out. When I applied to Chipotle in March, I had completely forgotten about it when I got the phone call in April to start orientation. My first day of Orientation, I sat in a small office with a girl named Kelly and watched videos about the Chipotle lifestyle. I was just so hype about rolling burritos. Three months later and I've never rolled a successful burrito. I reminisce on the day Kelly and I sat in the office watching those videos. We joke about how clueless we were that day and how we had no clue Chipotle would actually become our lives.

When I told my boyfriend of the time that I got a job at Chipotle, he said "You're better than that". I should of seen then that he wasn't for me. (Sucks for him though cause I'm rollin' in the dough and he ain't gettin' none!!!) This past summer has been the best summer by far because of this great company. My first week of work, I'm not exaggerating when I say that I came home crying every single day. My feet hurt so bad that I would crawl up the steps. After my second week, I couldn't feel my thumb and I was seriously concerned. Now, I find bruises and cuts all over my body and just laugh like it's completely normal! Chipotle employees are strong warriors. I think that should be a part of the 13 characteristics.

The words top performer, empowerment, and high standards probably mean something completely different to me than normal people. Thanks to Chipotle, I've learned to push myself harder and always strive for excellence. When you think the Dining Room is spotless, get your sanitized rag out and make it even more spotless! Go the extra mile to make someone's day even if you're having a shitty one. Take pride in yourself and your team. I've learned how to be patient, make executive decisions, and be more confident in my abilities and self. I can honestly say I've become a better person because of this popular Mexican restaurant.

Three months ago, I thought these people were absolutely nuts for being so into their jobs. The first meeting when our boss brought donuts and we talked about how to make Chipotle better, I was looking at the people around me thinking "This is just Chipotle. Why are they taking this so seriously?" Slowly, I became one of them. For some of the team, this is just a summer job to earn a little extra cash but for others Chipotle is how they pay their bills, feed their children, earn an education. There's so much more going on behind the scenes than customers see while waiting in line. Crew members deserve your respect and appreciation. After seeing how hard they work everyday, they need to know they're doing a great job. The next time you give a Chipotle worker shit: Why don't you try putting a whole truckload of items away in the walk-in 7 am on Saturday when you'd rather be sleeping? Or cleaning a whole stack of dishes at 1 in the morning only to have 100 more to do?

I am so thankful for the people I worked with this summer. My team elevated me and helped me get better each day. Being a part of a team that cares about you and the restaurant makes you want to care also. They always kept me on my feet and positive. When I needed them, they were there and if I did something wrong (like drop a few dozen IZZE bottles or spill a tub of vinaigrette) they didn't get mad but help me clean up my mess. I am so thankful for my team because together we make our Chipotle successful. Each person plays a major role in having the restaurant run smoothly.

Even though i'm going back to school for a couple months, I know when I step foot into my Chipotle in December it'll still feel like home. Some days, I swore I hated it. The customers would be mean, I'd have to make way too much guacamole, or the line would be solid for four hours and I never got a chance to pee. Yet, here I am, so incredibly glad I got to spend my summer at Chipotle. Even though this is the palest I've ever been during the summer! So here's to my replacement: Good luck, kid. I'm going to miss the regulars, eating a burrito everyday, and my friends. Enjoy your job cause I sure as hell did. 

I've learned a lot from working at Chipotle this summer. I've learned patience, consistency, balance, pride, integrity, etc. More importantly, I've learned everyone could learn to be a bit more joyful like Leida, hardworking like Katy, sweet like Andy, confident like Bri, warmhearted like Steve, helpful like Dillion, driven like Natasha, giving like Kameron, optimistic like Maria, proud like Toya, understanding like Anthony. Thank you, team.

The Beautiful Woman

She wakes up early because her biological clock won’t let her sleep in past eight. Her hair is tangled and of course, she didn’t take her makeup off from the night before so it’s now smeared across her face. She blinks awake and spends 10 extra minutes in bed thinking about the hours ahead. She’s a beautiful mess; her eyes tired and still a blank canvas of the day. She needs coffee to start the morning and clings to the cup while inhaling the crisp air. She’s so full of hope and possibilities. She looks at everyday as a new beginning, desperately trying to escape the pain. The beautiful woman is always smiling but covering up the tears.

The littlest things bring joy to her life. The couple walking their dog, the grandfather on his porch, the smell of breakfast from a few houses over. She sees the good in everything, although she has witnessed so much evil. She remains strong, and standing upright. The beautiful woman is rooted firmly by her family values, her love for Jesus, and her bright future. 

I wish you could see her like I see her. When you talk to her, you know the beautiful woman is different. She asks questions, she digs deeper, she makes your heart aglow. The beautiful woman burns herself lighting others. Yet, she is constantly giving her fire away. Always, she trusts too easily and feels too deeply. 

The world she sees is strange to us. She understands there is purpose in everything. Her colors are brighter, more intense. Her eyes are filled with curiosity. She reads books about adventures, stories of intelligent female protagonists, essays about artwork in the most divine museums. The beautiful woman is easy to fall in love with. She’ll let you into her life, she’ll show you her favorite nooks, and she’ll make you believe in magic. 

She’s learning to swim out deep into the ocean, she’s learning to climb to the tallest heights, and she’s learning to sleep in complete darkness. Because she finally realized, the real monsters to fear are everywhere. They’re walking the streets, they smile as you pass by, they breathe the same air. Monsters are good at pretending they are human. 

Last day of classes

It’s been a while since I last blogged! Fall break was months ago and now first semester is practically over. Actually, today was the last day of classes before Christmas break. First semester was great and I hope second semester is even better. I bet it will be. Considering I have awesome friends, getting more involved on campus, still have my wonderful boyfriend, and am moving into the village with my best friend! I guess everything really does work out in the end.

Of course i’m had some blimps this semester: me and Gil almost called it quits, me and Jamie got in a huge blunder, and spanish has been absolutely terrible. However, the great times have made up for it. Like Potluck for Pups! (I started writing for the school newspaper and love it. I want to get more involved!) and Halloween, and the night Jake had to sleepover cause I thought there was a ghost in our room, becoming closer with the guys, stealing a wreath, seeing The Worlds End, watching the kitty grow, etc. I am so thankful I choose to apply for college instead of wasting my life away with some lame boy. 

Next semester means new opportunities! I want to improve myself and my relationships. Cut the negative people from my life and just be happy! I want to meditate more, read more, sleep more, exercise more, see Gil more, and other things. I think going on runs around campus would be cool too. I got to make an awesome bucket-list sometime. College is just flying by. Sometimes I say I want to transfer but, no, i’m sticking with it! No other school will be my home like High Point University is. I cannot wait to go home though! Only one more week until it is officially Christmas break. I’ll be staying in Raleigh with Gil for a few days to spend some time together before we have to part for a month (Sad!) and go see the Hobbit. On Friday, i’ll be flying home to New Jersey! And get to see my family and puppy!!

5th week of school

I’m taking some time off from studying to write this post so I don’t go absolutely crazy. I’ve been studying my sophomore but off these last couple of days and still feel as if i’m going to fail my spanish test tomorrow. Spanish is my weak spot. I’d prefer not to learn a language but a language is a requirement here at High Point University! Last year, I wasn’t able to rush because of my grade in Spanish so this year, I am kicking my butt to try and get a good grade so I can finally be in a sorority! If I don’t reach at 2.5 though, I will be proud of myself for trying because I really really am. Except, I do manage to save some time for a social life. 

It’s my birthday tomorrow! My birthday party was on Friday and I had been looking forward to it for the last few
weeks. I was very excited but very nervous at the same time. I didn’t know what to expect. Anyways, tons of people showed up and texted me the next day saying how great of a time they had and how awesome of a party it was. I guess that’s a good sign. RightIt ended early because G got way too drunk and was puking his brains out. I was a little upset but I let it go. Especially because me and G’s one year anniversary is tomorrow also! (It’s more like our year and 7 months because he waited a while to actually ask me to be his girlfriend!) I can’t believe it’s been a year with my big goofball. It’s been a great year with him and I feel so blessed to be in a healthy loving relationship. Only many more great experiences to come after this! We aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. I love this boy! 

There has been a lot of drama going on in the dorm and i’m trying to stay out of it as much as possible but can’t help but feel uncomfortable. Yesterday, Rae even said something to me that really hurt my feelings. I told her I was always there for her and she responded by saying, “Well, you have G so you don’t count!” I know she didn’t mean it to hurt my feelings but now I can’t help but feel like she doesn’t care as much about me as the other girls. I actually considered Rae a best friend up until this point. I guess you really can’t be good friends with your roommates and they are actually just that.. roommates !I did say something selfish to Rae though. I told her she couldn’t go out with my friends last night without me. Now, I realize this was mean and selfish but I really don’t. I can’t help but feeling left out and upset but I need to get over that. Rae has always been nothing but nice to me. She even invited me to swim this year! So, I need to be nothing but nice to her! I’m missing home a lot. I like it here though, so why do I miss home? I can not wait to see Milo and just lay in my bed in PJ’s all day. And of course, see friends! It’s time to get back to studying. Yuck! 

Lions, and Tigers, and Bears! Oh My!

I’ve been so busy this week i’ve had no time to think- let alone, to blog! What’s happened since last blog post? I’m no longer sick! No more snotty tissues and stuffed noses. Last saturday, I took a day trip to the Ashebero Zoo with Evan and Jenna. We saw tons of animals and even took a trip into the dinosaur exhibit. The carousel was definitely the best part about the trip though. I’m a kid at heart and hope to never give up my childhood silly-ness. It’s not immature. It’s knowing how to have fun in whatever circumstances. I went to dinner that night at Giannos with the girls.

I don’t remember what night the fight with C and J happened. (I have a bad memory and although it’s only been a week, I can barely remember what has gone on in my life!) I slept over G’s one night after a party at his house and I told Miss Teen NJ off. First off, J isn’t as sweet as she portrays her little fake tan self to be and second off, Rach should have won the Miss Teen NJ crown because she’s a beautiful princess! Me and G went to bed at 3 in the morning along with everyone else. We were awoken at 4 in the morning by blaring music coming from the room next to us and freshman girl laughter. I basically got so annoyed I went in and told J that nobody likes her and C’s ex-girlfriend was so much better. Which she was.. cause J sucks!

I’ve been working out more lately and I would really like to lose some weight. I feel like I always say this? Losing 20 pounds wouldn’t hurt though! I’ve been trying to go to the gym between classes and eat healthier. I’ve been doing really good except for last night, I went to the steakhouse and ate my face off with Lolo, Rae, and Evan. Oops! I’m at least trying. I even joined swim team for a day and got my ass kicked. I quit. After the first practice, I couldn’t even walk normal for a couple days. It was an experience. I think i’m going to skip the gym today because I have too much on my plate for today’s schedule.

I’ve recently discovered outside. Ok, I knew what outside is but I mean, spending time outside. The other week me and G explored campus and found a nice relaxing bed space I really want to go sit on, but I have a sleepy kitty on my lap at the moment and I can’t leave. I also really like hammicking. I want to spend more time outside whether it be doing homework and studying or just blogging. My campus is beautiful and I should definitely take advantage of it more often. 

My birthday party is tomorrow and i’m terrified how it is going to go. What if nobody shows up? What if too many people show up? Too many questions running through my head. I guess I just have to leave it to the future and actually just sit back and see how it goes. I still have to make a playlist and buy some more decorations for it tomorrow. I got my bio test back today and I got a 66 after studying my ass off. Awesome! I try so hard and still fail. I’m not going to be able to rush this year and now i’ll never be able to fulfill my dream of being in a sorority. I have a spanish test Tuesday that i’m gonna fail even though i’ll pull multiple all nighters in the library. I just want my parents to be proud of me.

P.s-We got a kitty! His name is Fitz-Willy and he is 5 weeks old. He’ll never replace Milo in my heart though. Willy is a pretty cool cat though and we kind of just chill together.

That’s all you’ve missed in my boring life.

3rd week of school

Earlier in the week, the roomies seemed to get upset with me so I distanced myself from the room a lot this week. I tried to get out as much as possible. Whether it be seeing G, hanging out with friends, reading a book by the pond, etc. Everything is fine now. They most likely weren’t even upset me with me but a little space doesn’t hurt! Plus R and C were rushing APO and had been busy and Jamie’s busy with AT! Rae and Calla are officially brothers of APO, so congrats to them! Fingers crossed i’ll get a 2.5 and i’ll be able to rush a sorority in December. I am trying really hard. Spanish is just "moy difficul" to me. We had a quiz this week; I studied my ass off and still feel like I didn’t do too great. Gil got me flowers this week though which was super cute. My boyfriend is

pretty great and I am  blessed that he’s mine. I’ve been sick this past weekend with a cold. Friday, I missed the J-cole concert and stayed in for the night. I went to JB’s apartment and watched Pitch Perfect though! I’m not even feeling awesome right now, but much better than I was Friday! Hopefully tomorrow i’ll be 100%. Don’t worry, I still partied hard last night at 851. It was a good time with the gals and I was happy to be with my 851 family. They even protected me from this guy who was calling me a “crazy bitch” and grabbing my wrist. He should have realized I was the main 

girl of the house before he messed with me! Because CN, G, A, and S showed him not too touch me like that ever again.  Swimming starts up on Tuesday and lets pray I lose some weight! That would be nice to be in shape. Not that i’m fat. Just a little chubby! Recently, I’ve wanted to start crafting but I don’t have any ideas in mind and i’m too cheap to go to Hobby Lobby and buy more craft supplies. I did set up some picture collages in my room this week though. I still feel like my room is too bare. It’s just missing my mom, dad, sister, and Milo... Me and R’s birthdays are right around the corner! Way too excited. I got her the cutest birthday gift also. She’s going to absolutely love it. 

Xoxo,

Carly